python implementation

python/fucking_coffee.py

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+#!/usr/bin/env python
+
+import datetime
+import sys
+import subprocess
+import telnetlib
+import time
+
+today = datetime.date.today()
+
+# skip weekends
+if today.strftime('%A') in ('Saturday', 'Sunday'):
+    sys.exit()
+
+# exit if no sessions with my username are found
+output = subprocess.check_output('who')
+if 'my_username' not in output:
+    sys.exit()
+
+coffee_machine_ip = '10.10.42.42'
+password = '1234'
+password_prompt = 'Password: '
+
+con = telnetlib.Telnet(coffee_machine_ip)
+con.read_until(password_prompt)
+con.write(password + "\n")
+
+# Make some coffee!
+con.write("sys brew\n")
+time.sleep(64)
+
+# love the smell!
+con.write("sys pour\n")
+con.close()    

python/hangover.py

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+#!/usr/bin/env python
+
+import datetime
+import os
+import random
+from twilio.rest import TwilioRestClient
+from time import strftime
+import subprocess
+
+today = datetime.date.today()
+
+# skip weekends
+if today.strftime('%A') == 'Saturday' || today('%A') == 'Sunday':
+    sys.exit()
+
+# exit if no sessions with my username are found
+output = subprocess.check_output('who')
+if 'my_username' not in output:
+    sys.exit()
+
+# returns 'None' if the key doesn't exist
+TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID = os.environ.get('TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID')
+TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN  = os.environ.get('TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN')
+
+# Phone numbers
+my_number      = '+xxx'
+number_of_boss = '+xxx'
+
+excuses = [
+  'Locked out',
+  'Pipes broke',
+  'Food poisoning',
+  'Not feeling well'
+]
+
+client = TwilioRestClient(TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID, TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN)
+
+client.messages.create(
+    to=number_of_boss,
+    from=my_number,
+    body="Gonna work from home. " + random.choice(excuses)
+)
+
+try:
+    f = open('logs/file.txt', 'a')
+except IOError as e:
+    # dir & file don't exist; create them
+    os.mkdir('logs')
+    f = open('logs/file.txt', 'a')
+except Exception as e:
+    print e
+else:
+    pass
+
+# log it
+f.write("Message sent at " + strftime("%a, %d %b %Y %H:%M:%S") + "\n")
+f.close()

python/kumar_asshole.py

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+#!/usr/bin/env python
+
+import gmail
+import sys
+import re
+
+GMAIL_USERNAME = ENV['GMAIL_USERNAME']
+GMAIL_PASSWORD = ENV['GMAIL_PASSWORD']
+
+g = gmail.login(GMAIL_USERNAME, GMAIL_PASSWORD)
+
+if not g.logged_in:
+    sys.exit()
+
+msgs = g.inbox().mail(sender="[email protected]", unread=True)
+
+pattern = re.compile("\bsorry\b | \bhelp\b | \bwrong\b ", flags=re.I)
+
+for msg in msgs:
+    if pattern.match(msg.body):
+        msg.label("Database fixes")
+        msg.reply("No problem. I've fixed it. \n\n Please be careful next time.")

python/smack_my_bitch_up.py

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+#!/usr/bin/env python
+
+import datetime
+import os
+import random
+from twilio.rest import TwilioRestClient
+import subprocess
+import sys
+from time import strftime
+
+
+today = datetime.date.today()
+
+# skip weekends
+if today.strftime('%A') == 'Saturday' || today('%A') == 'Sunday':
+    sys.exit()
+
+# exit if no sessions with my username are found
+output = subprocess.check_output('who')
+if 'my_username' not in output:
+    sys.exit()
+
+# returns 'None' if the key doesn't exist
+TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID = os.environ.get('TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID')
+TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN  = os.environ.get('TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN')
+
+# Phone numbers
+my_number      = '+xxx'
+her_number = '+xxx'
+
+reasons = [
+  'Working hard',
+  'Gotta ship this feature',
+  'Someone fucked the system again'
+]
+
+client = TwilioRestClient(TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID, TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN)
+
+client.messages.create(
+    to=her_number,
+    from=my_number,
+    body="Late at work. " + random.choice(reasons)
+)
+
+try:
+    f = open('logs/file.txt', 'a')
+except IOError as e:
+    # dir & file don't exist; create them
+    os.mkdir('logs')
+    f = open('logs/file.txt', 'a')
+except Exception as e:
+    print e
+else:
+    pass
+
+# log it
+f.write("Message sent at " + strftime("%a, %d %b %Y %H:%M:%S") + "\n")
+f.close()