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Through Chapter 6 of Adversaries into Allies
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mgp authored Jan 8, 2017
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* Often people resort to manipulation because they don't know how to effective persuade; their tactics are what's negative, not their intent.
* The Ultimate Influencer always asks "Am I doing something that will hurt this person or be contrary to their best interests?"
* If you are sure that your point of view will benefit them, it is your responsibility to persuade them about this, not to manipulate them.

### Section 2: Control Your Own Emotions

* If you choose to control your emotions, or to respond instead of react, you can influence almost every interaction for the better.
* In a frustrating challenge, your emotions are the only part of the situation that is in your power to control.

#### Chapter 4: Responding Versus Reacting

* Self-control of your emotions is important and powerful not only in what it allows you to do but who it allows you to be.
* When you react, you are being controlled by outside circumstances. When you respond, you are in control of yourself, of your emotions.

#### Chapter 5: Effectively Handle Verbal Attacks

* Listen and remain calm. Then say "I... might possibly owe you an apology. Did I say or do something to offend you?"
* If he or she is simply having a bad day, say "I understand. I've had those myself. Is there anything I can do to help?"
* If your discussion turns less than cordial, the key to being heard is to actually lower your voice.

#### Chapter 6: Make Calm Your Default Setting

* Your default setting to pressure situations is directly proportional to your ability to problem solve, to live in the solution, and to lead.
* To make this change, vividly imagine the next time a potentially upsetting situation occurs, you become calm. Then follow through.
* The ability to remain calm when others aren't is another separator that creates influence and allows us to gently persuade.
* Understand the default setting of others. Realize you can't change them; instead, work within that context.
* The more you help them operate their default settings successfully, the better you can lead, persuade, and influence successfully.

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